Real blog readers answered:
Do you have a better answer? write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
Dear Bruce,
Got a question. Best relationship I’ve been in ever..he’s a good man..things have just seem to run their cousre..I still love him but I feel like I need a break, cause I have so much on my plate n I need room.. he smothers me sumtime.. just wanna hear from neutral source.. got advice?
Sorry.
… Um, yes. I happen to have advice for you.
What is your goal? Do you want to be single, or in a relationship? If you’re okay with being single, take a break. If you can’t see yourself without him, stay– and communicate better.
In my own, very personal opinion, 95% of “breaks” that are not 100% mutual are 120% bullshit. You will always have to deal with “What exactly does this break mean? What are the Dos and Dont’s?” And if/ when the break is over, there’s this whole “Honesty” thing you will have to deal with about things you’ve done (or haven’t done) while on “break.”
If the break’s not mutual, the only feasible solution I see to this problem is to sit down, and be completely honest with o boy, and tell him how you feel (Every blog reader should be doing that anyway, hint hint). Tell him everything you wrote me. Because most times, a “heart-to-heart” is all it takes to refresh a relationship. Its when feelings are held inside that they come out in other ways. Ways that can do severe damage to the foundational structure of love.
You may find that even slightly cutting back communication (mutually, of course) drastically changes the relationship for the better. Maybe 2-3 less phone calls a day. 2-3 less visits a week. A weekly, dedicated night to yourself. You’d be surprised.
Not to be too long-winded, but here’s a small suggestion that may help:
You said he “smothers” you sometimes. That tells me he’s either trying to cut off your air supply with large pillows, or he’s willing to do a helluva lot for you. Both of you take a sheet of paper, and write down the things you would like the other person to do to improve the relationship. Exchange papers, read in silence, then talk. Good luck!!! 
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
Dear Bruce,
I’m self conscious about my body. I have even considered breast implants… Do you think that it will turn my future mate off?
Sincerely,
Chesty LaRue
Don't get crazy though.
Dear Chesty,
Your ideal mate won’t give a good got damn whether or not your breasts are fake. He will love you for you. Saggy, small, big, bloated, whatever. Any man that doesn’t feel that way isn’t cut out for the job. Its really that simple.
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
Dear Bruce,
Can you explain to me — or help me understand– why I have such an issue letting go? To sum it up, I’ve been in a bad relationship for two years (and he’s a player), and I know I dont wanna be with him…
But I can’t bring myself to say the words. I don’t believe I even love him. I just want our relationship to die down witout really saying anything… I don’t know– I’m extremelyconfused about this, so any helpful advice would be good.
Sincerely,
Penelope Sandler
Dear Penelope,
I consider this an abusive relationship. Its self-abuse to stay in a situation you know you shouldn’t be in.
You either A) have a fear of being alone, B) you believe you can’t do any better than your current relationship, C) like most people, you’re somewhat clingy, and you’re just used to having him around,
Or D) …all of the above.
In any case, don’t be too hasty to pull the “breakup trigger”. Its better to stay– until you convince yourself you can leave forever– instead of leaving right now, and bouncing back to him next week. Leaving a relationship is almost always a big step, and you want to make sure you don’t go back if you leave.
Picture yourself being completely single, and HAPPY. Hold onto that vision. Hold onto those good feelings. Then, kick him in the McNuggets and run like hell.
Just kidding.
Dear Bruce,
What should I do if I’ve been with my fiancee for over 9 years, with kids, and he won’t stop verbally abusing me? He calls me names like “whore”, “cunt”, and “bitch” for NO reason at all. I’ve been faithful, and he knows that. He is constantly apologizing about it, but CAN’T STOP! I’ve tried praying about it, talking to him, and his mother… Nothing is working! HELP! It even happens in front of the little ones.
Daisden Confused
Houston, TX
Dear Daisden,
No ultimatum, no “second” or 772nd chance, no nothin. BOUNCE. That shit’s BEEN over. Why are you still holding on? The kids? Because you think they need to be around their dad, in a home environment?
Make like a tree, and LEAVE. It’s doing them psychological damage, and they’re going to think that’s acceptable. Meaning your son(s) will treat their women in that manner, and/or your daughter(s) will seek out and accept that behavior from a man, because that’s what mommy put up with, and that must be what love is.
You won’t be able to tell them SHIT, because they see that EVERY DAY. They’re being hard-wired to think that way, just like your fiancee has been hard-wired to think that way. And really, its nobody’s fault. But you have to distance yourself NOW. Not now, but right now. Scary, right? Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
Teach your kids that they can be strong enough to leave a situation like that, if they ever find themselves in one.
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!Dear Bruce,
My ex says he loved me more than anything when we were together, yet he broke up with me over a misunderstanding.
Sincerely,
Miss Understood
Schenectady, NY
Miss Understood:
Either a) the two of you had two totally different definitions of “Love”, b) he didn’t want to be with you anymore, and used this “misunderstanding” as an emergency exit, or c) your “misunderstanding” wasn’t really a misunderstanding, and you really fucked up.
In any case, you came out on top. In the case of option A, you’re incompatible, and it was only a matter of time, or a lifetime of misery. In the case of option B, so what. Fuck him. In the case of option C, well… Maybe you’ll do better next time. Pack up everything you’ve learned, and apply it to the next situation.
Sincerely,
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
My child’s father and I are going through a rough patch, and it seems that it is taking him away from things he normally does with us… Which is ok, but why take the time away from our child?
Shouldn’t it still be easy to spend quality time with our child? Just because we are going through some things, why would that change that in him? Is it that he just needs to avoid me that much? Is it wrong to point this out to him? And if so, is it possible to point it out without him getting defensive?
How should i approach this? I don’t want him to think I think he’s a bad father because he is great.
Stacy J
Stacy,
You should approach it dishonestly. Yeah, dishonestly. Lie to him. Say this: “You know what I like about you? Even though we’re going through our problems, you never let that effect your relationship with your child. You are a great father.” Sit back, and watch things change.
The truth is, he probably is letting your “rough patch” effect his relationship with the child… its tough for any man to disconnect from that situation. We’re used to the freedom a break-up brings. With a “baby’s mother” attached to that situation, sometimes a child gets tangled in the middle, and the parents don’t know which cords to disconnect.
This is why there tends to be so much drama between the parents of a child. They don’t know where their feelings end and the new, parent/ business partner-like relationship begins.
Anyway, by using a positive affirmation, you can even encourage a person who’s always late to be more punctual. ”You know what I respect the most about you? You always try to be on time.” Both you and that person know that’s bullshit, but when you use this tactic, you build an environment of positive expectation, and give him something to live up to.
Dear Bruce,
I’m not a lesbian. Although I’ve been accused of being one due to my open dialogue of being attracted to women. But I prefer men.
A few years ago, I met a woman online. And if I had to piece together the perfect woman aesthetically, it was her. She fit the description of a woman I’d go lesbian for, at least for a couple weeks. But here’s the problem, I don’t engage in oral sex with women. It’s disgusting, vial, and I think men whom do it deserve a f*cking medal.
Back to me… so this woman, wants me to attend a gay function with her as her girlfriend. I’m afraid. I’m mostly afraid of hurting her feelings because now I realize, I am not as attracted to her as she is to me, even though she is drop dead fine.
I don’t know how to tell her that my feelings have changed. Since she is a woman I feel her feelings are more fragile.
How do I tell her that I just want to be friends?
Miss Friendly
Miss Friendly,
LOL @ “going lesbian for a couple of weeks.” Far be it from me to consider myself an expert on the subject, but I think you mean to say, ‘experiment’ or ‘go bisexual‘.
Anyway, the best way to tell her you just want to be friends, is to tell her you just want to be friends. Tell her you’re not as ready as you thought you were.
If she understands, despite the possibility of her feelings being hurt, she is a true friend. If she doesn’t understand, and isn’t selfless enough to see past her own feelings, she doesn’t really care about you as much as you think– and you’re better off without her. Either way, you can’t lose.
To avoid this problem in the future, you should probably stop shouting your vague interests on mountaintops. People have a funny habit of taking the words of others as truth.
Bruce,
I started a casual, sexual relationship with a guy about 7 months ago. This was my first “relationship” like this so I didn’t know what to expect from him or myself.
I got feelings for him in no time– I knew he wasn’t the type to fall easy, so I tried to hold back for a while. He isn’t a fan of relationships– he says they change people. Whatever.
He wasn’t ready to get serious, but I was. I didn’t want to force him in to anything, but I felt like we were meant for more, so I remained persistent.
Things were so casual, sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple days to a week. When I would finally speak to him, he would swear up and down there was no issue for his absence. This made me feel hurt and confused, because I have never experienced that. I told him that bothered me, and he changed it.
So here we are 7 months later, and I let him know: Either he give us a chance or we need to just be friends. He decided to give us a chance and we’ve been together, as a couple, and happy with the way things are going.
I know he has opened up to me in ways he normally doesn’t, but I am concerned that he may have decided to be with me because he didn’t want to lose the “benefits” of our casual relationship…
If he did, is that a bad thing? I feel like it is selfish. He promises that he really wanted to be in this relationship, and didn’t feel pushed into it. I just might need a fresh perspective on the situation. Sorry for the length, this is by no means an easy situation to explain. Thanks.
Amber D.,
Washington, DC
Amber,
I have the burdensome responsibility to make sure everything remains raw: You’re probably right– You might have just been “fuck buddies”, he didn’t have anything else going on at the time, and you had that “good lovin”, so he went along with the “relationship” idea… Maybe.
I don’t know you or him personally, so this is just my observation of the short scenario you were kind enough to share. And I’m not saying the relationship won’t work, if that’s the case. Because
What I AM saying is, at the end of the day, all you can do is take his word for it. If you can really trust he is telling the truth when he says he didn’t feel “pushed,” then everything should be fine. If he really did feel pushed, you have two problems:
Women have a tendency to want to label things– Its in your nature. Its almost a maternal, nesting instinct. I know lots of women who like to arrange, alphabetize, color-coordinate, etc. It gives you a sense of order, establishment, and certainty.
So naturally, you want to ask, “What IS this?” or “Where is this going?” That’s perfectly fine, except MEN have a tendency to become complacent and comfortable… FAST.
Just make sure any decisions to take your relationship to the next level are completely mutual from now on. If you feel like you’re pressuring him– if you have to ask yourself that question– you probably are.
P.S. Stop analyzing so much, and just enjoy your man. 
Why do men cheat? This is the question I get asked most. But why does ANYBODY cheat?
It ALWAYS begins as a “harmless thought”. You consider the possibility, thinking there will be no consequences. You’re just thinking, and that doesn’t hurt anybody, right?
Nnnnot so much.
The problem is, the mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality. Your subconscious will accept any idea that is presented to it enough times– right or wrong– It does not discriminate.
Every time you have a thought about ANYTHING, it is like mentally rehearsing something that will (or has) happen(ed). Before you go to the kitchen and cook dinner, you have to have the thought. You have to SEE yourself doing it first.
That’s why the pull of temptation seems so strong, and its so hard to resist– We’ve rehearsed going through with it. If somebody never considers cheating, they can never be tempted. Example: Hear a song enough times, I guarantee you’ll be humming that sumbitch, and not even know it, IF you’re not singing along. But if you never listen to the radio… Fill in the blank.
Constantly thinking about being with another man or woman, believing there will be no consequences is just as senseless as going to the grocery store hungry. With a pocket full of money. Sure, some will be strong enough to resist the urge, but for how long? And will the hunger go away, just because you didn’t actually buy anything?
Fuck naw.
Stay yo ass at home then. Raid your own refrigerator, and never underestimate the power of visualization.
Dear Bruce,
How do you feel about men sex texting (talking dirty through text)? Cheating/not cheating?
I had the perfect guy, but he couldn’t manage not to pick up females from myspace/facebook to talk dirty to or send dirty pics to. Am I a fool for leaving, considering he hasn’t physically cheated?
Cynthia K.,
Omaha, NE
Cynthia,
You said he was the perfect guy. Does your idea of a perfect guy pick up females from myspace, and send dirty pics? If so, then yes: You are a fool for leaving. Otherwise, no.
If you ask me, (and you did) physical cheating is always an AFTERTHOUGHT. 100% of the time. When people say, “It just happened”, they are a fucking LIE. If you go there in the mind frequently enough, you WILL go there in the body. Its just a matter of time.
I’ve always said: Its easy to read somebody’s mind– Look at their actions, speech, environment. It is a merciless mirror of a person’s thoughts.
If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Bruce,
One day at work, my cousin/ co-worker came up to me and said “Your office mate is interested in you.” I really didn’t think too much of it because he’s not my type at all. Even still, I decided that since I was single, I might as well give him a chance… Who knows what might happen right?
He was really shy, so even though we exchanged numbers, we didn’t even talk via phone or text for two months. And the only time I ever saw him was at work. So I take a trip to Las Vegas. I didn’t hear from him, but every day he would ask my cousin about me. When I got back from my trip, things were exactly the same.
So one day, I hang up a picture of a guy friend and myself in my office. For about a week every time I left the office and came back, the picture was taken down. Little stuff like went on for a couple of months. He gets upset when I talk about guys in front of him, gets mad when I tell him we’re just co-workers, and has the nerve to tell his nephew that I’m his girlfriend. News to me!
The worst part is that I realized this past October that I am in love with this guy. Don’t ask me how, I just know. The hard part is that while I am in love with him I don’t think our situation is ever going to go anywhere. This is why…
He’s in his early 30s and has two kids, both from the same woman. He’s really wary of relationships because his kids’ mom cheated on him a lot. He doesn’t want to have any more kids and is scared to get into another serious relationship.
I’m 25 and my biological clock is ticking away. It may sound cliché but I’m not afraid to say that I want a house with a white picket fence, front porch swing, and some kids playin in the yard with a dog and whatever other hallmark B.S. comes with that life!
He lives at home with his mother…and is quite content to keep doing so. Enough said.
I am an extrovert. I love being around people, and while I like to spend time at home, I would rather be out and about doing something. He has anxiety issues when it comes to crowds. However, even if it weren’t for his anxiety….he would still rather stay at home then go out.
Does this whole situation sound as hopeless to you as it does to me? Should I just let love go and move on? Or is there a chance that he will come around?
~tired of waiting
Tired of waiting:
It would be ideal to enter into a relationship without a check-list, but its very important to always know what you WON’T put up with. I call them “Deal Breakers”. For example, the list may include:
There are quite a few characteristics this guy has that I believe would make the average woman’s “Deal Breakers” list with NO problem. But, love is love.
I can’t tell you what to do, since you say love is involved… But it sounds like the two of you want completely different things out of life. Know that THERE IS A 97% CHANCE HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. And IF he genuinely does, its gonna be for HIM, not YOU.
So carefully review ALL of the information before you proceed, and ask yourself this question: If things never change, can I see myself growing old with him?
If you answer “no”, -SCRAM- You’re not in love. He’s probably just a professional pipe-layer.
…But you already knew all of this before you wrote me.
If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Dear Bruce–
I was in love with someone for many years. And may still be in love with him. Though I don’t want to be with him any more and have moved across the country to get away from him… I haven’t been able to like anyone sincerely since him.
I will go hard in the paint (give it my all) for a few days and think I’m infatuated with someone new…and then POOF, I lost interest and begin to ignore them.
Why is this?
Carmen B.,
Carmichael, CA
Carmen,
You are trying to fill a void. It sounds to me like you’re in love with the idea of being in love, and/ or being swept off your feet by some dashing man. So you keep going back to the idea. You are faithful to the idea. You stop talking to men you were “infatuated” with, to patch things up with the idea.
You even used the word infatuation. Here is the definition: to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.
You have the characteristics of a cat. A cat will play with a ball of string for HOURS on end, and NEVER GET BORED, as long as the string keeps moving. Once the string stops moving, the proud cat walks away, no longer enthused.
The man being the string in this analogy, is NOT what you seem to be after. Its the movement of the string. Its the idea behind the string.
In short, you’re sending your brain mixed signals. Subconsciously, you don’t want it to last– You’re not expecting it to.
If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Dear Bruce,
I am a very sensual person. Yet cannot reach satisfaction with anyone except for a one night stand I had a few years back.
I find myself now pretending every man I’m with is him and still leave dissatisfied.
Lost in Celibacy, AZ
Dear “Lost”,
Communication is key. Don’t be shy! Let your partner know your needs! A lot of times, women expect men to do all the work, and instinctively/ intuitively know exactly what the woman needs. And as we ALL know, women give men TOO MUCH CREDIT. We sometimes need to be told what to do!
Also, as long as you’re measuring every sexual experience you have in comparison to something you HAD, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
Go into your new situation with no expectations, and you are always guaranteed to experience some level of excitement. And never give yourself to somebody just because you want physical satisfaction. When there is a great emotional investment made and maintained, a woman’s chances of climaxing increase one hundredfold.
But most importantly, TALK. Because
(even though we wish there was. lol)
If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Dear Bruce,
What’s the best way to get over an ex, or mending a broken heart?
Karla T.,
Tallahassee, FL
Karla,
Exes are exes for a reason. So you have to realize there IS something better out there for you. You might not want anything else right now, but part of letting go of someone you truly love is to give that person a chance to be happy without you. The shit hurts, but its SO necessary.
Once you find the courage to seriously let go, DON’T LOOK BACK!
When a prisoner escapes from jail, the police almost always know exactly where to look. Why? Because
You have to have the vision that there IS somebody better out there, EVEN IF you feel like “nobody can do it better.” There’s a good reason why he’s your ex in the first place. And that reason could be the one advantage your ideal guy has over your ex!
Meanwhile, spend some time getting to know YOU better. “Alone” doesn’t have to mean “Lonely.” There is a HUGE difference.
See your ex as a stepping stone, and look FORWARD! He taught you things that will allow you to appreciate your ideal guy that much more, when he comes along! If you ask me (and you did), THAT’S something to get excited about.
If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Dear Bruce,
My ex is trying so hard to come back in my life after being out for a couple years. We moved on from each other, he is in a serious relationship. I remained single because I was just focused on getting my life together and taking care of our child. We lived in two different states, thousands of miles apart.
It was a BAD breakup, and we spent a lot of time back and forth in court for several reasons. And on top of that, the new girl would “test” me, like calling me to “let me know” that they were in a relationship when they first got together. She did other minor things, but I feel betrayed, because no matter what: I am the mother of your child, and no other should woman in your life should be able to go there with me.
So fast forward to now. Him and his girlfriend broke up because of their own issues. He moved closer (due to work), and now he wants to get back with me, but I don’t understand his motive. I feel betrayed because he allowed her to do certain things, like call me.
I have lost a lot through the years because of a lot of bull that occurred between us, but now he is offering me the world (he wants to buy me a new car, giving me a cell, buying me clothes, booking travel) because he wants to see me happy and have it all. I think it might be out of guilt, or just to show me how sorry he is.
Should I believe him? …Or do you think he is just trying to holla at me because they are through? Why would he allow her to step to me when she has? Can I be the rebound because it didn’t work out with her and she wasn’t the person he thought she was? He wants to get married and all, like I’m supposed to forget all that went wrong. Why do men figure that since we’re doing okay for two minutes, that everything is cool? We have a lot of issues to work on before I can progress with him and trust him. I just don’t understand why he thinks it can just work out so simply.
Julie A.,
Teaneck, NJ
Julie,
You’re most definitely not the rebound in this situation.
He thinks it can work out simply, because he’s a man! That’s how we think: Simple and plain. SOME Men figure everything’s cool after two minutes, because they see you laughing at their jokes, and the two of you are not arguing. So they assume everything’s “back to normal,” without ever really getting to the root of the original problem. They assume you’re “over it.”
I can’t say for sure what happened with his ex calling you, but people are people. At the end of the day, they’re gonna do whatever they feel like doing. If she really wanted to call you that bad, there’s little he could’ve done to stop her. Its not that he necessarily “allowed” her to.
You seem to be wanting to give it a try, but you’re not sure, because of what happened in the past. So you need to ask yourself a few questions:
If you answered “No” to ANY ONE of these questions: LEAVE IT ALONE. You’ll only hurt yourself.
Never let your past hold you back from a chance at true happiness. Forgiveness is one of the greatest abilities we have as people. Of course, you won’t be able to forget. But true forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. Its KNOWING what somebody did, moving forward, and not letting their past mistakes control your attitudes/ actions in the present and future.
At the end of the day, HE can’t protect you from how you feel towards your past. HE cannot loosen your grip on the past. YOU have a personal responsibility to let go of the past, if you ever want it to really work.
Peace
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Here is a response I received by email from a young woman in response to the post: “Ask Bruce: Website Womanizers“.
1.The woman who can get a date, has 16 people TRYING to date her *in real life*… She still wants more more more. She acts innocent like she isn’t commenting after the boy she is interested in *because he hasn’t showed her attention*… so that he will look at her profile. The kind that tries to start beef in other peoples relationships just because she can. She doesn’t want to date, or meet anyone online, but she will lead them on.
2. The woman that CAN’T get a date so she crops her photos and gets compliments on her face when she can… she loves the comments. She refreshes the shit out of her Facebook page and frequently uploads new photos to see if she can get comments. She would love to meet up with one of them in real life but is too scared.
3. The woman that likes the attention, then acts like she doesn’t when she gets it. Why did you post half nude photos, again? She is also the kind that secretly gets mad when she doesn’t GET the attention she is acting like she doesn’t want. Make sense? Lol… She’ll date anyone.
****All of these women act like Facebook is Facebook and not a place to date, but they all love when men try to pick them up. And, they are doing the SAME thing. In messages. The only reason they say that they have a problem or are disgusted with it is because…. It brings to everyone’s attention that THEY JUST GOT HIT ON. lol
I feel like facebook is more of a GIRLS ego filler than anything.
———————–
Dear Bruce,
What is up with men finding women through myspace/facebook to feed their ego?
Tasha R.,
Queens, NY
Tasha,
There are three types of men when it comes to the “Social Networking, Ego-Feeding Frenzy.”
…and
The first guy is confident, and sure of himself, and women seem to flock to him with little to no effort. He prefers to interact in person.
Guy #2 sends more friend requests than he receives, and social networking sites are his main line of communication with women.
The third has NOTHING to lose. He figures, “Why not leave an inappropriate picture comment?” — since he knows sexual harassment isn’t enforced on the internet.
Social networking is kind of like money: It cannot change you, it can only MAGNIFY you. Whether you’re calculated and thoughtful, or emotional and irrational, it can only become more apparent through a larger outlet.
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Dear Bruce,
What factors make a man ready for commitment, i.e. Marriage? Is it timing (getting older), tired of playing the field, finally finding the right one, pressure, or being at the point where they feel financially secure, or deciding there’s nothing better out there. Like, really, what makes a man say “you are the one for me and I want to spend my life with you”?
Toya G.,
Little Rock, AR
Toya,
I don’t think i’m ready for this question. You’re putting too much pressure on me.
Just kidding… This is a very good question.
The truth is, it really has nothing to do with pressure, timing, finances, or playing the field. Men are only truly ready for commitment when they have learned all the lessons they need, in order to recognize what they truly have, in the woman they decide to commit to. It has to be a natural progression.
Lets use this example: There was a certain man, who loved cars. In the beginning, that’s all he knew: He LOVED cars. As time passed, he found out that there were SOME cars that he disliked, but even in those cars, there were certain qualities he liked. So, he learned. He compared. He experienced. But in the back of his mind, he was always looking for that perfect car.
Years later, after everything he learned and experienced, and after owning many cars, he finally found the perfect one. He knew right away. He could appreciate every part of that particular car, because of all he had been through. If he would’ve received that perfect car even ONE experience earlier, he may not have recognized that it was perfect for him. It might have gotten away from him, because he wouldn’t have known what he had.
If a man hasn’t committed, he’s not done learning. And that’s not a bad thing! He could very well learn his “last lessons” with the woman he is currently with, and commit to her… but he cannot be forced.
Sincerely,
–BB
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com
Rugrats - 03x01 - Dummi Bear Dinner Disaster~Twins Pique[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CS885QH1Rugrats - 03x02 - Chuckie's First Haircut ~ Cool Hand Angelica [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=P8B0JU33Rugrats - 03x03 - Tricycle Thief ~ Rhinoceritis! [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y4XG37XGRugrats - 03x04 - Grandpa Moves Out ~ Legend of the Satchmo [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=V58HYJC8Rugrats - 03x05 - Circus Angelicus~The Stork[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JPGK4T6VRugrats - 03x06 - The Baby Vanishes ~ Farewell, My Friend [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=0F25H860Rugrats - 03x07 - When Wishes Come True ~ Angelica Breaks a Leg [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=O36GCXPMRugrats - 03x08 - The Last Babysitter ~ Sour Pickles [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=A97M2F65Rugrats - 03x09 - Reptar 2010 ~ Stu Gets a Job [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BY83E61QRugrats - 03x10 - Give And Take ~ The Gold Rush [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BZHSJWMARugrats - 03x11 - Home Movies~The Mysterious Mr. Fiend[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=06CXG5IGRugrats - 03x12 - Cuffed ~ The Blizzard [RT]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DPZEIRGARugrats - 03x13 - Destination Moon~Angelica's Birthday[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=0CQWTQUNRugrats - 03x14 - Princess Angelica ~ The Odd Couple [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FHEQFBVZRugrats - 03x15 - Naked Tommy ~ Tommy and the Secret Club [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZHITJ19HRugrats - 03x16 - Under Chuckie's Bed ~ Chuckie Is Rich [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=0C31ATF7Rugrats - 03x17 - Mommy's Little Assets ~ Chuckie's Wonderful Life [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IA02M24QRugrats - 03x18 - In the Dreamtime ~ The Unfair Pair [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=4UD6HKP8Rugrats - 03x19 - Chuckie's Red Hair ~ Spike Runs Away [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OIN71ORPRugrats - 03x20 - The Alien ~ Mr. Clean [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=U5OQ0U5FRugrats - 03x21 - Angelica's Worst Nightmare ~ The Mega Diaper Babies [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=YT9V79A0Rugrats - 03x22 - New Kid in Town ~ Pickles vs. Pickles [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FBRGIH66Rugrats - 03x23 - Kid TV~The Sky Is Falling[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Z3V6ZWGZRugrats - 03x24 - I Remember Melville ~ No More Cookies [Ookler DSR Encode]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=MUF7CAO4Rugrats - 03x25 - Cradle Attraction~Moving Away[JM]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XZRIJZJERugrats - 03x26 - Passover [ENGiNE]http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OEEY6YOA
Bruce,
I started a casual, sexual relationship with a guy about 7 months ago. This was my first “relationship” like this so I didn’t know what to expect from him or myself.
I got feelings for him in no time– I knew he wasn’t the type to fall easy, so I tried to hold back for a while. He isn’t a fan of relationships– he says they change people. Whatever.
He wasn’t ready to get serious, but I was. I didn’t want to force him in to anything, but I felt like we were meant for more, so I remained persistent.
Things were so casual, sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple days to a week. When I would finally speak to him, he would swear up and down there was no issue for his absence. This made me feel hurt and confused, because I have never experienced that. I told him that bothered me, and he changed it.
So here we are 7 months later, and I let him know: Either he give us a chance or we need to just be friends. He decided to give us a chance and we’ve been together, as a couple, and happy with the way things are going.
I know he has opened up to me in ways he normally doesn’t, but I am concerned that he may have decided to be with me because he didn’t want to lose the “benefits” of our casual relationship…
If he did, is that a bad thing? I feel like it is selfish. He promises that he really wanted to be in this relationship, and didn’t feel pushed into it. I just might need a fresh perspective on the situation. Sorry for the length, this is by no means an easy situation to explain. Thanks.
Amber D.,
Washington, DC
Amber,
I have the burdensome responsibility to make sure everything remains raw: You might have just been “fuck buddies”, he didn’t have anything else going on at the time, and you had that “good lovin”, so he went along with the “relationship” idea… Maybe. I don’t know you or him personally, so this is just my observation of the short scenario you were kind enough to share. And I’m not saying the relationship won’t work, if that’s the case.
What I AM saying is, at the end of the day, all you can do is take his word for it. If you can really trust he is telling the truth when he says he didn’t feel “pushed,” then everything should be fine. If he really did feel pushed, you have two problems:
Women have a tendency to want to label things– Its in your nature. Its almost a maternal instinct. I know lots of women who like to arrange, alphabetize, color-coordinate, etc. It gives you a sense of order, establishment, and certainty.
So naturally, you want to ask, “What IS this?” or “Where is this going?” That’s perfectly fine, except MEN have a tendency to become complacent and comfortable… FAST.
Copyright 2010-2011 by Bruce Briggs
