This movie kept my attention LOCKED IN like an abused, babysat step child in a hallway closet.  There was a point in the movie where I got frustrated with the main character’s dumb ass decisions, but all my questions were answered in the end.  Wait-- Am I reviewing a movie, or am I really dead, reviewing my life?!

Anyway-- This movie has everything you could ask for in a drama-suspense film:  Confusion, confusion, more confusion, big twists and turns, and a conclusion that ends with a bold exclamation mark.  You should treat this movie like an un-flushed toilet: check this shit out.

I give it 5 out of 5 boots.  And you know I don’t pass out boots like candy.  Unless its Halloween, and I run out of candy.

Overall, this was a mediocre comedy… but it did have a teenage girl sized handful of HILARIOUS parts.  Wait.  Maybe I shouldn’t have said “teenage girl,” “handful” and “parts” in the same sentence. Whoops!

Anyway, I’m a huge Jeremy Piven fan,  but this movie just wasn’t written well enough for me to watch it twice-- which is Bruce’s purest measure of a great movie.  And yes.  I just referred to myself in the 3rd person, outside of a Facebook status update.

I give it 3 out of 5 boots.

Its most definitely worth checking out though!  In the words of LeVar Burton, “But don’t take MY word for it…”  ♫ Duh duhn DUNT! ♫

Like a toy snake stuffed in a fake can of nuts, this movie was ACTION PACKED. From beginning to end.  Its one of those movies that halfway requires you to think fast, so I don’t really recommend it if you’re on the slow side of the freeway.

And I’m not ashamed to say: I rooted for the “bad guy.”  But that’s what a great actor/ storyline does:  He/ It explains things from a perspective that makes you understand what that character is going through, and sympathize with him, no matter HOW fucked up he is.

The only thing I didn’t really like about this movie was the amount of shock-value it had.  But maybe I’m just bitter and salty, because it made me feel like a little sweet bitch.  There was a certain scene that caught me waaaay off guard…  I haven’t jumped THAT hard since Freddy burst through the water bed.

Despite that, I’m giving this movie my highest possible rating: FIVE out of FIVE boots.

This shit was wack as fuck. WackNuggets with extra weak sauce.  WeakNuggets with extra wack sauce.

The storyline was very intriguing in the beginning: What would you do if you could push a button, receive 1 million dollars, but somebody (whom you don’t know) would die?

That’s a GREAT  conversation topic, and seems like it would’ve made an even BETTER plot for a Hollywood film…  But halfway through, it turned into some bogus ass, far-fetched science fiction “thriller.” I continued to watch it anyway, in hopes the ending would redeem the wackness.  NO.  The ending was fucked up, the story didn’t wrap itself up, and the characters made the LEAST logical choices.

If I had The Box, I wouldn’t push the button, and if I were you, I wouldn’t buy the ticket. To this movie, that is.  I’m giving this sunnuvabitch my lowest rating ever: ONE boot.  It was a waste of my time.

This movie has it all: Dazzling graphics. Suspense.  A plot that will send chills down your spine faster than an ice-cold shower.  This movie is about a 14 year old girl named Susie Salmon, who gets kidnapped and murdered by a neighbor.  Believe me, I haven’t given the story away.  That’s just the beginning.

The Lovely Bones ends up being a movie you love to hate.  Aaaand hate to love.  The creepy ass, “Members-Only” jacket-wearing pedophile antagonist played his part SO well, I’m sure he’ll have a hard time walking the street in real life, let alone getting future movie roles.   Susie Salmon didn’t always do what I thought she would do, which was frustrating, but it made the story unique. And before you ask– NO. I’m NOT one of those obnoxious ass people who yell at the movie screen, “RUUUUN, BITCH! HE GON KIIIIIILLLLL YOOOOOOU!!!!”

…I use my indoor voice.

–Anyway, Could’ve been better, but maybe I’m just picky.  I give this four out of five boots.