In the summer of 2003, with no connections and very little money, I temporarily relocated to Minneapolis/ St. Paul to open my first T-Shirt business.    Two days after becoming a resident of Minnesota, I met a cool cat named Joe Williams.  A fellow artist, Joe created caricatures at The Mall Of America.

People from all walks of life would pass him, back up, sit down, and become his subjects.  10  minutes later-- they would hand him a $20 bill, and walk off in laughter, toting the cartoon version of their selves.

Living out of hotels around the city, I would go back to the mall every day for almost two weeks to study Joe.  In that short time, we became very good friends.  He taught me a lot about the advantages and pitfalls of making a living as an artist, his experiences, and even women.

There was this one pretty lady who would always come around, so I asked, “Joe, is that you?”   He quickly shot back, “NO.  Sometimes its better to keep a beautiful woman as a friend, because they’ll always be around for you to appreciate their beauty, and you can get more out of the relationship.”  At 20 years old, this was a new concept to me. lol

I remember the day Joe helped me set up my new shop in Uptown, Minneapolis.  This is where I made my first airbrushed t-shirt sales, looong before I even thought about touching a canvas, or painting a portrait.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing-- I felt like a little kid at a lemonade stand.  But I knew I had a friend across town who believed I would be okay, and that gave me confidence.

Due to a family emergency, I had to leave town suddenly and return to Omaha, NE.  I drove back to Minneapolis to see Joe in 2006, and give him some cash for helping me out.  He wouldn’t accept it.  That’s the kinda guy he was.

Thanks, Joe.

Dear Bruce,

I am a very sensual person. Yet cannot reach satisfaction with anyone except for a one night stand I had a few years back.

I find myself now pretending every man I’m with is him and still leave dissatisfied.

Lost in Celibacy, AZ

Dear “Lost”,

Communication is key.  Don’t be shy! Let your partner know your needs! A lot of times, women expect men to do all the work, and instinctively/ intuitively  know exactly what the woman needs.  And as we ALL know, women give men TOO MUCH CREDIT.  We sometimes need to be told what to do!

Also, as long as you’re measuring every sexual experience you have in comparison to something you HAD, you will always be disappointed.

Go into your new situation with no expectations, and I guarantee you will experience some level of excitement.

And never give yourself to somebody just because you want physical satisfaction.  When there is a great emotional investment made and maintained, a woman’s chances of climaxing increase one hundredfold.

But most importantly, TALK.  Because

Every woman is different– there is no magic formula one man can learn to please ALL women.

(even though we wish there was.  lol)

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

EHHH!!! EHHH!!! EHHH!!!! EHHH!!! EHHH!!!

Who the fuck came up with this idea?  SCARE people half to death– out of their sleep– with nightmarish sound, and SEVERE TERROR ALERT RED digital numbers?

I’m no expert, but I don’t think its healthy to start every day with your heart BEATING out of your chest, breathing hard.

Its been quite a few years since I’ve used an alarm clock, but when I did, I felt like I had an enemy posted at my bedside, watching me sleep.  A little black prison warden, with glowing red, beady eyes.  He patiently waited for me to get into my most comfortable stage of semi-consciousness, then SCREAMED at me:  EHHH!!! GET!  THE!  FUCK! OUTTA! BED! EHHH!!!

Alright now,  STOP……. hammer time.

Down with clocks.

Why do men cheat?   This is the question I get asked most.  But why does ANYBODY cheat?

It ALWAYS begins as a “harmless thought”.  You consider the possibility, thinking there will be no consequences.  You’re just thinking, and that doesn’t hurt anybody, right?

Nnnnot so much.

The problem is, the mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality.  Your subconscious will accept any idea that is presented to it enough times– right or wrong–  It does not discriminate.

Every time you have a thought about ANYTHING, it is like mentally rehearsing something that will (or has) happen(ed).  Before you go to the kitchen and cook dinner, you have to have the thought. You have to SEE yourself doing it first.

That’s why the pull of temptation seems so strong, and its so hard to resist– We’ve rehearsed going through with it.   If somebody never considers cheating, they can never be tempted.  Example: Hear a song enough times, I guarantee you’ll be humming that sumbitch, and not even know it, IF you’re not singing along.  But if you never listen to the radio… Fill in the blank.

Constantly thinking about being with another man or woman, believing there will be no consequences is just as senseless as going to the grocery store hungry. With a pocket full of money.  Sure, some  will be strong enough to resist the urge, but for how long? And will the hunger go away, just because you didn’t actually buy anything?

Fuck naw.

Stay yo ass at home then.  Raid your own refrigerator, and never underestimate the power of visualization.

I once had a good friend share with me what qualities she was looking for in a guy. One of the first (of many) things out of her mouth was, “He has to be successful.”  I don’t think she was being specific enough.

Why not? Because everyone is successful. We’re all moving in a definite direction, because success is nothing more than the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

The person climbing the “corporate ladder” is no different (or better) from the person who aspires to be the best local musician.  You might even know somebody right now who has the “goal” to wake up every day, smoke weed, and play Nintendo. He’s successful.   He’s realizing a worthy ideal. Or an ideal that he thinks is worthy of him!

We don’t get to choose if we move or not, but we do get to choose our destination.

So its not a matter of IF you have a goal, and IF you’ll reach it, because you most definitely do.  And you most definitely will.

P.S. Steal this from me. I want you to. Make it yours– There are more where this came from.

Dear Bruce,

How do you feel about men sex texting (talking dirty through text)? Cheating/not cheating?

I had the perfect guy, but he couldn’t manage not to pick up females from myspace/facebook to talk dirty to or send dirty pics to.  Am I a fool for leaving, considering he hasn’t physically cheated?

Cynthia K.,

Omaha, NE

Cynthia,

You said he was the perfect guy.  Does your idea of a perfect guy pick up females from myspace, and send dirty pics?  If so, then yes:  You are a fool for leaving.  Otherwise, no.

The perfect guy comes with no “buts”, and goes after no BUTTS.

If you ask me, (and you did) physical cheating is always an AFTERTHOUGHT. 100% of the time.  When people say, “It just happened”, they are a fucking LIE.  If you go there in the mind frequently enough, you WILL go there in the body.  Its just a matter of time.

I’ve always said:  Its easy to read somebody’s mind–  Look at their actions, speech, environment.  It is a merciless mirror of a person’s thoughts.

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

Bruce,

One day at work, my cousin/ co-worker came up to me and said “Your office mate is interested in you.” I really didn’t think too much of it because he’s not my type at all.  Even still, I decided that since I was single, I might as well give him a chance… Who knows what might happen right?

He was really shy, so even though we exchanged numbers, we didn’t even talk via phone or text for two months.  And the only time I ever saw him was at work.  So I take a trip to Las Vegas.  I didn’t hear from him, but every day he would ask my cousin about me. When I got back from my trip, things were exactly the same.

So one day, I hang up a picture of a guy friend and myself in my office.  For about a week every time I left the office and came back, the picture was taken down. Little stuff like went on for a couple of months. He gets upset when I talk about guys in front of him, gets mad when I tell him we’re just co-workers, and has the nerve to tell his nephew that I’m his girlfriend. News to me!

The worst part is that I realized this past October that I am in love with this guy. Don’t ask me how, I just know. The hard part is that while I am in love with him I don’t think our situation is ever going to go anywhere. This is why…

He’s in his early 30s and has two kids, both from the same woman. He’s really wary of relationships because his kids’ mom cheated on him a lot. He doesn’t want to have any more kids and is scared to get into another serious relationship.

I’m 25 and my biological clock is ticking away. It may sound cliché but I’m not afraid to say that I want a house with a white picket fence, front porch swing, and some kids playin in the yard with a dog and whatever other hallmark B.S. comes with that life!

He lives at home with his mother…and is quite content to keep doing so. Enough said.

I am an extrovert. I love being around people, and while I like to spend time at home, I would rather be out and about doing something. He has anxiety issues when it comes to crowds. However, even if it weren’t for his anxiety….he would still rather stay at home then go out.

Does this whole situation sound as hopeless to you as it does to me? Should I just let love go and move on? Or is there a chance that he will come around?

~tired of waiting

Tired of waiting:

It all depends on your “Deal Breakers.”

It would be ideal to  enter into a relationship without a check-list, but its very important to always know what you WON’T put up with.  I call them “Deal Breakers”.  For example, the list may include:

• Physical / verbal abuse
  
• Jealousy
• Poor hygiene
• Treating step-children differently
  
• Stalker-like tendencies
• Bad grammar/ spelling
• Disrespect towards parents
  
• A small Jammy

There are quite a few characteristics this guy has that I believe would make the average woman’s “Deal Breakers” list with NO problem.  But, love is love.

And love is so blind, even Lasik can’t save it.

I can’t tell you what to do, since you say love is involved… But it sounds like the two of you want completely different things out of life.  Know that THERE IS A 97% CHANCE HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.  And IF he genuinely does, its gonna be for HIM, not YOU.

So carefully review ALL of the information before you proceed, and ask yourself this question: If things never change, can I see myself growing old with him?

If you answer “no”, -SCRAM- You’re not in love.  He’s probably just a professional pipe-layer.

…But you already knew all of this before you wrote me.

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

Dear Bruce–

I was in love with someone for many years. And may still be in love with him. Though I don’t want to be with him any more and have moved across the country to get away from him… I haven’t been able to like anyone sincerely since him.

I will go hard in the paint (give it my all)  for a few days and think I’m infatuated with someone new…and then POOF, I lost interest and begin to ignore them.

Why is this?

Carmen B.,

Carmichael, CA

Carmen,

You are trying to fill a void. It sounds to me like you’re in love with the idea of being in love, and/ or being swept off your feet by some dashing man.  So you keep going back to the idea. You are faithful to the idea. You stop talking to men you were “infatuated” with, to patch things up with the idea.

You even used the word infatuation. Here is the definition: to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.

You have the characteristics of a cat.  A cat will play with a ball of string for HOURS on end, and NEVER GET BORED, as long as the string keeps moving.  Once the string stops moving, the proud cat walks away, no longer enthused.

The man being the string in this analogy, is NOT what you seem to be after. Its the movement of the string.  Its the idea behind the string.

In short, you’re sending your brain mixed signals.  Subconsciously, you don’t want it to last–  You’re not expecting it to.

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

Dear Bruce,

I am a very sensual person. Yet cannot reach satisfaction with anyone except for a one night stand I had a few years back.

I find myself now pretending every man I’m with is him and still leave dissatisfied.

Lost in Celibacy, AZ

Dear “Lost”,

Communication is key.  Don’t be shy! Let your partner know your needs! A lot of times, women expect men to do all the work, and instinctively/ intuitively  know exactly what the woman needs.  And as we ALL know, women give men TOO MUCH CREDIT.  We sometimes need to be told what to do!

Also, as long as you’re measuring every sexual experience you have in comparison to something you HAD, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Go into your new situation with no expectations, and you are always guaranteed to experience some level of excitement.  And never give yourself to somebody just because you want physical satisfaction.  When there is a great emotional investment made and maintained, a woman’s chances of climaxing increase one hundredfold.

But most importantly, TALK.  Because

Every woman is different– there is no magic formula one man can learn to please ALL women.

(even though we wish there was.  lol)

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

Dear Bruce,

What’s the best way to get over an ex, or mending a broken heart?

Karla T.,

Tallahassee, FL

Karla,

The best way to get over an ex is to realize this one thing:

You can do better!

Exes are exes for a reason.  So you have to realize there IS something better out there for you.  You might not want anything else right now, but part of letting go of someone you truly love is to give that person a chance to be happy without you.  The shit hurts, but its SO necessary.

Once you find the courage to seriously let go, DON’T LOOK BACK!

When a prisoner escapes from jail, the police almost always know exactly where to look.  Why? Because

A person with no vision will always return to their past.

You have to have the vision that there IS somebody better out there, EVEN IF  you feel like “nobody can do it better.”  There’s a good reason why he’s your ex in the first place. And that reason could be the one advantage your ideal guy has over your ex!

Meanwhile, spend some time getting to know YOU better.  “Alone” doesn’t have to mean “Lonely.” There is a HUGE difference.

See your ex as a stepping stone, and look FORWARD!  He taught you things that will allow you to appreciate your ideal guy that much more, when he comes along!  If you ask me (and you did), THAT’S something to get excited about.

If you have a question you need answered (Your name WILL be changed!), write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com

Like a toy snake stuffed in a fake can of nuts, this movie was ACTION PACKED. From beginning to end.  Its one of those movies that halfway requires you to think fast, so I don’t really recommend it if you’re on the slow side of the freeway.

And I’m not ashamed to say: I rooted for the “bad guy.”  But that’s what a great actor/ storyline does:  He/ It explains things from a perspective that makes you understand what that character is going through, and sympathize with him, no matter HOW fucked up he is.

The only thing I didn’t really like about this movie was the amount of shock-value it had.  But maybe I’m just bitter and salty, because it made me feel like a little sweet bitch.  There was a certain scene that caught me waaaay off guard…  I haven’t jumped THAT hard since Freddy burst through the water bed.

Despite that, I’m giving this movie my highest possible rating: FIVE out of FIVE boots.

Before Michael Jeffrey Jordan became “Air Jordan”, they called him “the next Dr. J (Julius Erving).”

When he entered into the fullness of himself, every kid wanted to be “Like Mike.”  There’s just one small thing these youngsters failed to realize:

The only thing in the WORLD that is IMPOSSIBLE for a man to do is to be like SOMEBODY ELSE.

Only two people have ever come close to being like Mike: Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James.   And ironically, everybody’s trying to be like THEM now.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t have role models, because they should.  People need somebody to look up to. Somebody to show them it IS possible to get where they’re trying to go.  It helps them set clearly defined goals.  But at some point, we have to stop trying to be like Mike, and be ourselves.  Then, others will follow US, and try to figure out what it is WE do differently.

Do Your Math!

If you want to be like somebody, but they’re trying to be like somebody else, you’re playing a game I like to call “Follow the follower.”

But if you want to be like somebody, and they’re busy being THEIR SELF,  the best way you can emulate them is by being YOUR SELF.

Have your OWN goals, your OWN thoughts, even your own STYLE OF DRESS, and you’ll probably never make another mistake as long as you live.

• The Ice Cream Man drives down your RESIDENTIAL street between 35-40 mph, and you have to ALREADY be outside to stop his ass!
• You once dated a grown ass woman from the suburbs whose parents didn’t like her to be at your house past 10pm
• You get MAD that UPS left your package on the front porch without “signature confirmation,” KNOWING somebody might lift that shit!

• Your family members nickname their babies after SHIT, or the SMELL associated with it (I.E. Boo Boo, Stink Stink or Stank Butt)
• Pedestrians walk EXTRA slooooow getting out of the way of a moving vehicle, just to fuck with you.
• You see a cable company vehicle, or random mail truck, and know there’s a 61% chance it could be the Feds going undercover

What other people said:

The city ain’t thought twice about shoveling your street and it ain’t snowed in weeks.  Submitted by Trudy Minor

You can’t get pizza delivered! Submitted by Tiff Cooper

U got cable in every room and NOT A 1 cable box!  Submitted by Eric Burton

This post was inspired by Terrence DaBeast Tryon’s Facebook status update.

There once was a young man named Bruce.

Who thought he could run and be loose.

He’d get out of line,

But quick every time,

The purple belt beat his caboose.

Hi, mom.

Dear Bruce,

My ex is trying so hard to come back in my life after being out for a couple years. We moved on from each other, he is in a serious relationship. I remained single because I was just focused on getting my life together and taking care of our child. We lived in two different states, thousands of miles apart.

It was a BAD breakup, and we spent a lot of time back and forth in court for several reasons. And on top of that, the new girl would “test” me, like calling me to “let me know” that they were in a relationship when they first got together.  She did other minor things, but I feel betrayed,  because no matter what: I am the mother of your child, and no other should woman in your life should be able to go there with me.

So fast forward to now.  Him and his girlfriend broke up because of their own issues.  He moved closer (due to work), and now he wants to get back with me, but I don’t understand his motive. I feel betrayed because he allowed her to do certain things, like call me.

I have lost a lot through the years because of a lot of bull that occurred between us, but now he is offering me the world (he wants to buy me a new car, giving me a cell, buying me clothes, booking travel) because he wants to see me happy and have it all.  I think it might be out of guilt, or just to show me how sorry he is.

Should I believe him?  …Or do you think he is just trying to holla at me because they are through?  Why would he allow her to step to me when she has?  Can I be the rebound because it didn’t work out with her and she wasn’t the person he thought she was?  He wants to get married and all, like I’m supposed to forget all that went wrong.    Why do men figure that since we’re doing okay for two minutes, that everything is cool? We have a lot of issues to work on before I can progress with him and trust him.  I just don’t understand why he thinks it can just work out so simply.

Julie A.,

Teaneck, NJ

Julie,

You’re most definitely not the rebound in this situation.

He thinks it can work out simply, because he’s a man!  That’s how we think: Simple and plain.     SOME Men figure everything’s cool after two minutes, because they see you laughing at their jokes, and the two of you are not arguing.  So they assume everything’s “back to normal,” without ever really getting to the root of the original problem.  They assume you’re “over it.”

I can’t say for sure what happened with his ex calling you, but people are people. At the end of the day, they’re gonna do whatever they feel like doing.  If she really wanted to call you that bad, there’s little he could’ve done to stop her.  Its not that he necessarily “allowed” her to.

You seem to be wanting to give it a try, but you’re not sure, because of what happened in the past.  So you need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Do I love him?
• Am I willing to forgive him, and give “us” a good try?
• Can I see myself  HAPPY with him?
• If/ When these issues come back up, will I be able to work through them, no matter how tough it gets?

If you answered “No” to ANY ONE  of these questions: LEAVE IT ALONE.  You’ll only hurt yourself.

Never let your past hold you back from a chance at true happiness. Forgiveness is one of the greatest abilities we have as people.  Of course, you won’t be able to forget. But true forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting.  Its KNOWING what somebody did, moving forward, and not letting their past mistakes control your attitudes/ actions in the present and future.

At the end of the day, HE can’t protect you from how you feel towards your past.  HE cannot loosen your grip on the past.  YOU have a personal responsibility to let go of the past, if you ever want it to really work. 

Peace

If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or send an email to bruce@brucebriggs.com