Why didn’t you tell me? What kind of friend are you??? I feel like Arsenio Hall, looking for somebody to slap because nobody told him the cheese was this good!
They say you learn something new every day. Thanks for letting me share.
Dear Bruce,
Can you explain to me — or help me understand– why I have such an issue letting go? To sum it up, I’ve been in a bad relationship for two years (and he’s a player), and I know I dont wanna be with him…
But I can’t bring myself to say the words. I don’t believe I even love him. I just want our relationship to die down witout really saying anything… I don’t know– I’m extremelyconfused about this, so any helpful advice would be good.
Sincerely,
Penelope Sandler
Dear Penelope,
I consider this an abusive relationship. Its self-abuse to stay in a situation you know you shouldn’t be in.
You either A) have a fear of being alone, B) you believe you can’t do any better than your current relationship, C) like most people, you’re somewhat clingy, and you’re just used to having him around,
Or D) …all of the above.
In any case, don’t be too hasty to pull the “breakup trigger”. Its better to stay– until you convince yourself you can leave forever– instead of leaving right now, and bouncing back to him next week. Leaving a relationship is almost always a big step, and you want to make sure you don’t go back if you leave.
Picture yourself being completely single, and HAPPY. Hold onto that vision. Hold onto those good feelings. Then, kick him in the McNuggets and run like hell.
Just kidding.
♫ Guess you’re NOT so stingaaaaaaayyy… ♫
First, she corrects my spelling… Now, THIS?
I don’t even know why I still follow her… She just makes me mad.
Letters to the World-From the World-
I woke up today and remembered a dream that I have frequently. I dream about someone that mattered to me and was taken from me. And that dream got me to thinking about ‘value’. As I look around me and the world we live in, a lot of our values are distorted.
The way in which we judge our significant others, our friends, and the people we choose to entertain, is taken very lightly. It saddens me. While it is not uncommon anymore to see a woman with a man just for his finances, what about when they run out? The same can be said about a man for a woman. Many people place value on things that are not constant and everlasting. I’m not about to give you the paddy cake riddle that ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts’.
Allow me to go deeper.
Since I was a child, I was always very observant of people and my surroundings. I stare. I dream. I imagine. I began a game with myself for fun that I would imagine everyone I know, in an assembly line as long as it could go filled with people I know. They all are lined up, naked, bald, and void of all material possessions. If we could see the people around us in this way, it would allow us to see what we really like/dislike about the person.
Take for instance, the “Good Hair” phenomenon. How many men AND women would not be as aesthetically pleasing to you if it were not for their clothes, hair, and make up?
What about Tyrone? He hits on you every time you see him at Roscoe’s. You turn your nose at him simply because ‘he looks like he cannot even purchase a meal’. Why can’t you be his friend?
Sure, he’s simply a waiter (as far as you can see)… But what if Tyrone came into $30 Million dollars and started driving a Lamborghini to his part time job at Roscoe’s? Is that when you’d decide to finally give him your number and get to know him?
Or do you take a chance on Tyrone and find out that Tyrone is a lot more than what he appears to be on the outside?
Allow me to flip it.
So you’re dating Renee’. She’s beautiful on the outside. Her parents are wealthy, and by association so is she. She never needs anything from you financially. And you enjoy being around her because of the attention you get to be on the arm of a beautiful woman. Do you enjoy Renee’s conversation? If she were to undergo surgery that destroyed her good looks, would you still find yourself with her? Be honest. Not with me, with yourself.
John is a successful basketball player about to sign a major contract. Would you still be his girlfriend if he had not been scouted that day? If he was still playing street ball at the neighborhood park and working at Best Buy, would he still have the same value to you?
I performed an experiment a month ago. I went shopping yet was dressed in sweats, and tennis shoes. Nothing fancy. I purposely made myself look simple to see whom would help me in the clothing stores I went to. I had PLENTY of money to purchase anything that I wanted. And out of 6 stores, it was the last store that finally decided to not take me at face value. I asked people for help in each of the stores. I told them what I was looking for and was treated as if I was a bother. The last saleswoman helped me and I explained to her my story.
This weekend I went to the same stores, but I was dressed in clothing that made more of statement. I made it a point to simply walk in the stores that I went in before. I was thoroughly responded to…
How many people pass up potential over the basis of material possessions?
And who are you putting UP with based on what they have?
MY POINT:
You cannot obtain success by sitting in the lap of someone successful. You are not rich because the person you are dating is. Beauty fades. Beauty is accidental and most importantly FRAGILE-
So I ask you to do this, RIGHT NOW, Close your eyes or look into the distance, imagine 5-10 people that you are close to or find ‘value’ in. Line them up side by side in your imagination, remove their clothes, remove their hair, and material possessions. Lastly, remove their face.
Is this someone you would still choose? IS there anything WITHIN them that complements or intrigues you?
Personally, I practice this exercise daily as second nature. So if you’re in my life and I make time for you, it’s because I’ve lined you up, I’ve removed all of your clothes, shaved your head, burned your wallet, erased your face and still found something worth keeping…. YOU.
(If this touched you- feel free to share)
Peace upon and within, K~Y
Follow Khalilah on Twitter!
Luck looks like he got caught up in the new Kanye West video!!!
…Minus the cell phone paparazzi photoshoot.
Dear Bruce,
What should I do if I’ve been with my fiancee for over 9 years, with kids, and he won’t stop verbally abusing me? He calls me names like “whore”, “cunt”, and “bitch” for NO reason at all. I’ve been faithful, and he knows that. He is constantly apologizing about it, but CAN’T STOP! I’ve tried praying about it, talking to him, and his mother… Nothing is working! HELP! It even happens in front of the little ones.
Daisden Confused
Houston, TX
Dear Daisden,
No ultimatum, no “second” or 772nd chance, no nothin. BOUNCE. That shit’s BEEN over. Why are you still holding on? The kids? Because you think they need to be around their dad, in a home environment?
Make like a tree, and LEAVE. It’s doing them psychological damage, and they’re going to think that’s acceptable. Meaning your son(s) will treat their women in that manner, and/or your daughter(s) will seek out and accept that behavior from a man, because that’s what mommy put up with, and that must be what love is.
You won’t be able to tell them SHIT, because they see that EVERY DAY. They’re being hard-wired to think that way, just like your fiancee has been hard-wired to think that way. And really, its nobody’s fault. But you have to distance yourself NOW. Not now, but right now. Scary, right? Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
Teach your kids that they can be strong enough to leave a situation like that, if they ever find themselves in one.
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!Dear Bruce,
My ex says he loved me more than anything when we were together, yet he broke up with me over a misunderstanding.
Sincerely,
Miss Understood
Schenectady, NY
Miss Understood:
Either a) the two of you had two totally different definitions of “Love”, b) he didn’t want to be with you anymore, and used this “misunderstanding” as an emergency exit, or c) your “misunderstanding” wasn’t really a misunderstanding, and you really fucked up.
In any case, you came out on top. In the case of option A, you’re incompatible, and it was only a matter of time, or a lifetime of misery. In the case of option B, so what. Fuck him. In the case of option C, well… Maybe you’ll do better next time. Pack up everything you’ve learned, and apply it to the next situation.
Sincerely,
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
This movie kept my attention LOCKED IN like an abused, babysat step child in a hallway closet. There was a point in the movie where I got frustrated with the main character’s dumb ass decisions, but all my questions were answered in the end. Wait-- Am I reviewing a movie, or am I really dead, reviewing my life?! 
Anyway-- This movie has everything you could ask for in a drama-suspense film: Confusion, confusion, more confusion, big twists and turns, and a conclusion that ends with a bold exclamation mark. You should treat this movie like an un-flushed toilet: check this shit out.
I give it 5 out of 5 boots. And you know I don’t pass out boots like candy. Unless its Halloween, and I run out of candy.
Copyright 2010-2011 by Bruce Briggs
