Ask Bruce – Best I Ever Had… But–
Dear Bruce,
Got a question. Best relationship I’ve been in ever..he’s a good man..things have just seem to run their cousre..I still love him but I feel like I need a break, cause I have so much on my plate n I need room.. he smothers me sumtime.. just wanna hear from neutral source.. got advice?
MMMMM-HMM!
Sorry.
… Um, yes. I happen to have advice for you.
What is your goal? Do you want to be single, or in a relationship? If you’re okay with being single, take a break. If you can’t see yourself without him, stay– and communicate better.
In my own, very personal opinion, 95% of “breaks” that are not 100% mutual are 120% bullshit. You will always have to deal with “What exactly does this break mean? What are the Dos and Dont’s?” And if/ when the break is over, there’s this whole “Honesty” thing you will have to deal with about things you’ve done (or haven’t done) while on “break.”
If the break’s not mutual, the only feasible solution I see to this problem is to sit down, and be completely honest with o boy, and tell him how you feel (Every blog reader should be doing that anyway, hint hint). Tell him everything you wrote me. Because most times, a “heart-to-heart” is all it takes to refresh a relationship. Its when feelings are held inside that they come out in other ways. Ways that can do severe damage to the foundational structure of love.
You may find that even slightly cutting back communication (mutually, of course) drastically changes the relationship for the better. Maybe 2-3 less phone calls a day. 2-3 less visits a week. A weekly, dedicated night to yourself. You’d be surprised.
Not to be too long-winded, but here’s a small suggestion that may help:
You said he “smothers” you sometimes. That tells me he’s either trying to cut off your air supply with large pillows, or he’s willing to do a helluva lot for you. Both of you take a sheet of paper, and write down the things you would like the other person to do to improve the relationship. Exchange papers, read in silence, then talk. Good luck!!! 
If you have a question you need answered, write in my facebook honesty box, or http://www.formspring.me/brucebriggs –They’re both ANONYMOUS! Nobody (including me) will know who you really are!
